Temporary

I discovered a chip in my tooth. In a back molar. A jaggedness with my tongue, like something was stuck, but nothing was, I hadn’t eaten. I looked in a mirror. A tiny hole.

I’ve never had a cavity, but the internet told me that’s what this was. Continued googling showed me I’ve been wrecking my teeth for years by eating two apples every morning. Two apples a day may keep the doctor away, but not the dentist — they flood your teeth with sugary pulp that digs in and decays. If one cavity had broken through a molar, how many other cavities lied in wait? Was my mouth a decaying mass of decrepitude? I hadn’t been to a dentist in a year; I saw my death before me.

I scheduled an appointment with my new dentist. I asked for a general appointment, but they said there weren’t any for three months. I told them I had an emergency cavity that needed to be filled. They booked me for the next day.

I walked in and declared: I have a cavity that needs to be filled, and also, how many other cavities do I have? Please help.

The dentist said: Who told you to fill a cavity?

They didn’t find a cavity. They did, however, give me a general cleaning, temporarily lose my x-rays, and break my glasses. (A glasses screw magically jumped out of the dental hygienist’s hands when she removed them from my face: we found the screw, duct-taped it back in, and I fixed it later). But it’s just a chipped tooth. Presumably from nighttime teeth-grinding. This is the healthiest mouth I’ve ever seen, they said, but you’re too…